I have a friend who’s spoonist. I’m not sure how I feel. I don’t share her opinions, but I’ve made her the odd meal. Does that implicate me in her prejudicial ways? I’m certain she’s not racist and I know she likes the gays. But I don’t want the world to think that I think it’s OK, though she made a simple argument of it the other day. She said she likes the small ones, not the big ones in the drawer (it’s weird, I know she’s got big ones, I think I counted four). She only uses teaspoons (or cuillères à café (that’s the French for teaspoon, in case you weren’t au fait)), she says the big ones are too big, for her mouth anyway – she’d rather use a small one to consume her consummé. It doesn’t matter what she’s got residing in her bowl, the feelings that she has for them are out of her control. The bigger ones upset her to a startling degree, they wrestle with her teeth and cause bad karma in her tea. The most alarming thing here that I’d like to bring to light, is how does one eat cereal one cheerio per bite?
There’s nothing I can say to her, she has the right to choose. I can’t force her to like big ones, I must respect her views. But the thing is I feel sorry for the big ones lying there. They never have an outing which I think is quite unfair. So one day when I’m at her house I’ll try to let them out, though freeing spoons into the wild, I know nothing about. I do not want to mess it up and traumatise the blighters. They’ve never lived alone before, they might not be good fighters. Perhaps I’ll sneak them home with me, she won’t feel the effect, it’s better than subjecting them to permanent neglect.
Big-spoon hater, will you come forth and reveal your identity?